Arlene - My First Best Friend

Arlene was my first best friend. We became best friends on the day we met, I suppose. We played together and never had a quarrel as far as I can remember. We weren't in the same class after Kindergarten, but in Kindergarten we had a splendid time!

Arlene was Japanese-American. Now, remember, this was just a few years after the end of World War II and there was still a lot of bitterness towards the Japanese about Pearl Harbor. The loss of life was still fresh for many people, especially those who lost loved ones. The Japanese-Americans had been herded off into internment camps. They lost all their property, years of their lives, and any sense of normal family life, all within a very short period of time. It is a hideous stain on the tapestry of American History. Not our finest hour.

But we were kids, born after all of that had happened, and we certainly had never heard it talked about by our parents. I think it was the kind of thing that the Caucasian Americans chose to forget.

Kids are kids, and they have little things they say and some of them are not nice. One of those things was a little Q & A thing we did. I did it one day with my mom. It went like this:

Me: Do you like cheese?
Mom: Yes
Me: You're a dirty Japanese.

My mom, rightfully so, was horrified! I was innocently just repeating something I had heard at school, and had no idea it was mean or bad. It just rhymed and sounded catchy.

She wisely asked me if I knew what Japanese meant. I answered "no," and she started explaining to me that my friend, Arlene, was a Japanese. (I'm sure she also explained what the term meant, but I don't remember that.) She told me that some people don't like Japanese people and that they say things like I had just said to be mean to them. She explained that if Arlene heard me say that, that she would have her feelings hurt.

That is all it took for me. I knew that I never wanted to be like that and never said it again.

That was my first lesson in prejudice, and one I never forgot.

My kids, nowadays, tease me about certain racial/ethnic terms that I use because they are considered to be racial slurs. I always explain to them that I am not doing it that way but it is just that the terms that are acceptable change so often. For example, when I was a kid, you said "negro" instead of the other "n" word. Negro was considered nice. Later it was Afro-American, African-American, Black, Black American. Changes all the time. I can't keep up!

But that first lesson way back then has always stuck with me, and sadly for the first time I became aware that sometimes people are hated for the color of their skin or the slant of their eyes. Very, very, sad...